Chapter 1

It was late in the night when I heard a knock on my door...


At first I thought it was nothing more than my imagination, but when I heard it again I swiped one of my daggers from off my night stand. Call me paranoid but as the ‘Herald of Andraste’, holder of the Anchor, and leader of the Inquisition, I didn’t want to take any chances.
I used stealth to conceal myself completely in the darkness of the room and crept down the stairs leading to the door. Once I reached it I opened it slowly, hid in the shadows, and lunged at the first thing that moved. I wrestled with the figure until it spoke,

“Inquisitor, wait !”  a familiar voice yelled. “It’s me!”

I froze when the moonlight cast from one of the windows of my room revealed the face of my intruder. “Commander?!”

I breathed out a sigh of relief and lowered the edge of my dagger from around his neck. I noticed the hand he loosened around the hilt of his sword and was relieved that we recognized each other in time. I walked away before he had the chance to catch the embarrassed look on my face in the light.

“Commander I-” I started “I’m sorry about that…” I said softly and dropped the dagger on my desk and stood by the large windows of my balcony. “How did you know it was me?”
“I just knew…” he said softly and came over to where I was. “It’s good to know you’re on your guard Inquisitor.”

He leaned on the window next to me and I tried my best to still the beat of my heart. It got faster by the minute. Despite the hour I noticed that he still had on his usual attire excluding the fur pauldrons he always wore. I was thankful for the safe space between us… I was afraid he’d hear the music my heart sung within my chest.

“Uh… Commander…”

“Yes?” he answered. The depth of his voice cut through the silence and hearing it made my heart beat harder. If he wanted to admire the night scenery from Skyhold I’m sure he could’ve gotten it from his own window, I thought. Considering that the view he had was far better than mine. But I got the feeling that he wasn’t just here for the view…

“You do know what hour it is don’t you?” I said rubbing an eye and braced myself as a yawn escaped me.

I made the mistake of looking at him, and I couldn’t stop the fire that spread throughout my face. The accentuation of his muscular build with the shadows of the moon and the robust angle of his jaw line…
He looked away from where he was focused, then at me, and combed a hand through his hair frustrated. As I looked closer at his face, I noticed there was something that looked off about him…

“I’m sorry, forgive me Inquisitor… I just… well…” he stuttered.

Then he came closer to me. “The thing is…”

“Y,yes Commander?” I said stepping a few inches back the closer he was to invading my space. I couldn’t look away from his hazel eyes as they were locked onto mine, and it took everything in me to keep standing when I felt the heat from his breath on my face.

“Is, is there something wrong?” I said frantically and turned to leave but his quick reflexes caught my arm the second I turned to escape.

“Don’t leave.” he said and shot such a look in my direction that I lost my breath.

Everytime he touched me, I felt like putty in his hands melting slowly into his… We’d been together before in light conversation and for the seconds we each had to spare between fighting demons and Inquisition dealings. But this was the first time I was this close to him. He was never this forward… I began to wonder if something was wrong with him.

“Then… what is it? What’s so important that you-”

Before I could finish, he pulled me closer to him and my heart instantly stopped. “Commander!” I gasped. “What are you-”

He pinned me against the window and planted a hard kiss on my lips. I was so caught off guard that my hands froze in front of me. Ever since I laid eyes on him back at Haven I’d played with the thought of how he would feel like in my touch. The moment I’d wanted so much to happen had finally happened. … So why did I still feel uneasy?
It wasn’t until he broke away from me slowly that I realized it. Through the erratic sounds my heart was making I managed to smell a strong stench of ale on his breath. He was drinking?

“I can’t seem to get you out of my head you see… No matter how hard I try to suppress the feelings that ignite inside me whenever I’m around you…” he said heavily and held my face up to his. “I love you Inquisitor.”

“Commander…” I whispered. “You’re in your drink… I really don’t think you…”

He kissed me again and silenced my words. This time he was a bit softer, and if it weren't for Andraste’s help I couldn’t have had the strength to resist him further. I broke away from him and held his face in my hands. “Commander!”

His eyes widened.

“Commander… I honestly don’t think your intention was to visit my quarters. I think you’re making a mistake, and I wouldn’t want you to end up doing something you’ll regret.” I said softly looking into his eyes.

He looked exhausted, and I wondered if perhaps the conflicts we were dealing with were taking its toll on him. Then there was his decision to stop taking Lyrium.

“Euphoria…" he said my name softly.

Hearing him finally say my name almost caused me to lose my guard completely. I bit my lip and took his hand forcefully to guide him out the door despite how much I yearned to kiss him in that moment. This was the first time I held his hand and it took me awhile to control the sparks of electricity that sent shivers throughout my body.

“Where are you taking me?” he chuckled but I shushed him immediately and opened the door.

By the time I reached his room Cullen was practically falling over me. It was a miracle I was able to avoid the soldiers that stood guard around the castle walls. I’d always seen our Commander as a proud man, hopefully by sunrise he would have forgotten all about this… As much as I wanted him not to.

I had caged the raging feelings that burned for him for his sake, because as much as I’d wanted to fall in love with him, we were at war. Such petty feelings would never survive the turmoil of our journey. Besides, I was the Inquisitor, and he was the Commander of my forces… I couldn’t imagine the scandal that would cause for us…

And I would sacrifice the needs of my heart, if it meant that he’d be safe.